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Merkel Blog - STARTUPS.CH-Blog abonnierenDennoch setzte sie Akzente: Im Rahmen der Digitalisierung förderte sie mit dem Gesetz zum Breitbandausbau die deutschen Startups, die immer häufiger von schnellen Internetverbindungen abhängig sind. Aus seiner Webseite kann man nachlesen, wieviele Fragen er an die Bundesregierung hierzu gerichtet hat, und wie diese beantwortet wurden. Heute findet die Kabinettsitzung statt. Interne Dokumente. Kann sie? Veröffentlicht am Wir verwenden Cookies, um Ihnen die optimale Nutzung unserer Webseite zu ermöglichen. Mom came Deutschland Geht Zugrunde and said they only would give one pass and asked if I wanted to use the pass to go in. As I pulled up, the firetruck was there already and the ambulance was parking. They hear a wheezy noise they Poker Browsergame like in his lungs. My guess is that dad knew dying from pneumonia would be horribly painful, emulating drowning in some ways. And, for the cases where Buffett is buying healthy firms at a reasonable price, Tom Soja equity takes his offer as a cue to outbid him… because Buffett never pays top dollar. I love my dad and I'll miss Prag Diebstahl. Wages mostly adjust Qr Code App Android Deutsch inflation Retro Movies Free if you have work, that is a source of support.
The right bronchial branch was wide open, easy airflow in and out, and would be able to get plenty of oxygen to his brain and body -- if only it wasn't filled with fluid from pneumonia.
So MCC left him with a functioning lung he couldn't use, and a compromised lung he could use. His SpO2 kept falling, and now we knew why.
Central line going in now. Such a stent would open up his left lung. I'm still not sure why a stent wasn't put in on an emergency basis.
My non-medical guess is that with his heart in atrial flutter, they didn't think the additional anesthetic would be tolerated -- but I really don't know.
I don't even know if he was still in atrial flutter. At this point, they were approaching a shift change. The ICU nurses work 12 hour shifts, and they usually kick out family members for an hour around shift change so that the outgoing shift and properly brief the incoming shift.
I really didn't want dad to be alone at this point, and was starting to worry about how I would deal with the shift change "please leave for a bit" request.
They required us to leave because they needed to create a sterile environment so they could put in the central line.
That took care of the question of whether I would object to having to leave during the shift change. We were again banished to the ICU waiting room.
I took the forced time away from dad as an opportunity to pull out my laptop and update dad's blog. I wrote "He seems to be cogent, at peace, and just wants to stop hurting.
Going to be a long week no matter how tonight turns out. We were briefly allowed into the ICU and then kicked out so that they could x-ray dad to confirm the placement of the central line.
Mom was starving and agonized over whether to get food downstairs. The x-ray was clearly going to take more than a couple of minutes.
We asked around and going downstairs to the cafeteria was the only option. Although she ran down and was back with food in minutes, I regret not insisting that I pick up food for her.
For a day filled with hard decisions and intense stress, it was one of the few things I think I should have known, at the time, to do differently. In the meantime, the room had cleared out and I took the opportunity to change the blaring waiting room TV channel to something I could ignore and turn the volume down to a level just loud enough that others would not feel the need to turn it up if they wanted to listen.
I originally wanted to turn it off, but I was sure it would just get turned back on and then the person turning it on would of course crank up the volume.
I wanted time with my thoughts. His breathing is really labored. Mom went to get dinner. We met the night shift nurse, and I was glad we had a nurse who seemed competent and caring.
I again went over the DNR orders with the nurse during one of the periods when dad was cogent. He told the nurse "I don't want you to code me under any circumstances.
Dad was working pretty hard to breathe, and the nurse would periodically speak his name quite loudly to make sure that he could be awakened.
I told dad I loved him, and that his granddaughter had asked me to tell him that she loved him. My mom told dad she loved him. I kissed him on the forehead.
I told the nurse that dad is a doctor, mom has spent 50 years married to a doctor, and I grew up in a doctor's family -- and we wanted him to not dumb down or soften the truth.
My mom suggested we have that discussion outside. We walked outside, and I bluntly asked the nurse about whether I should go home. If it was less than about 1 in 5, I would go home so that my mom could stay with him overnight and I could be with him the next day I didn't want us to both be up for 24 hours, both fall asleep at the same time, and have my dad pass away then -- so the question was whether it was appropriate for us to keep him company in shifts.
The nurse said that he had seen patients in my dad's condition recover, but he'd also seen them decline very quickly and pass away.
He thought dad would probably make it through the night, but there was a real chance he wouldn't. He then said that in my shoes, he wouldn't go home.
I thanked him then for his blunt advice, and I thank him now. Mom was also weighing taking shifts, but at this point we were both expecting to be there all night.
He asked my mom what she thought, as she was the person with the final word when my dad couldn't consent.
I waited for a while, but I saw in her eyes that she knew my dad's answer was "no" but that it was too hard to say that about somebody she loved so much.
I'm sure she would have eventually said it, but I stepped in and said "my understanding is that dad wouldn't want that, isn't that right mom?
The SpO2 continued to drop. The nurse squeezed a muscle on his upper shoulder as hard as he could, yelled "Dr.
Shuster" several times, asked dad to squeeze his finger, blink or open his eyes, but there was no response. At this point, I was regularly streaming tears.
My mom warned me about her propensity to faint in really seriously bad situations -- I'd spend the night looking out for that.
Unable to awaken him. Non responsive. Nurse says death may be imminent. His right arm was clear. Mom was sitting on his left and I was sitting on his right.
I said something like "you're his wife -- would you like to switch places so you can hold him skin to skin without all this medical stuff in the way?
She grabbed his feet and said "no, you stay there. I'm going to rub his feet. He always loved when I rubbed his feet.
Mom says she is near vomiting. Its late here, but sleep isn't happening. The nurse observed the skin on dad's head and said that it had taken on a distinctive look that often is associated with impending death.
I have no idea if that is a documented medical thing or just the nurse's experience, but he was right. It is worth observing that from the time that dad lost consciousness, he had a look on his face that was really peaceful.
He had a look that was entirely consonant with his remembering the great times in his life, running down the beach with his wife, enjoying family birthdays, all good stuff.
His body may have been shutting down, but he wasn't suffering. He sure looked like his consciousness was in a good place, a place the pain couldn't reach but where the good memories were easily found.
The nurse said "it's happening". I was holding dad's hand. I looked up at the EKG machine and saw a single, final heartbeat and then a flat line. I looked back at dad.
I said "I love you, dad" and leaned in and kissed him on the forehead. After some time seconds? I stood up, tears running down my cheeks, and walked over to my mom, who was sitting on a chair against the wall, a few feet from the foot of the bed.
I hugged her and asked "mom, what can I do here, what do you need? The nurse said he was on it, and within seconds my dad's body was clear of all of the medical equipment.
She held him. I described what I observed in my eulogy, and the written version is part of this blog as a separate post.
This post is about my dad's last day of life, and sadly he died at p. This isn't the kind of news you can deliver to your wife or brothers by email, so I called them.
I called my youngest brother first, since it was the middle of the night there already. My phone bill shows it was a 3 minute call, and I'm sure I spent the first two minutes of that just sobbing, unable to say the words he knew were coming.
The remainder of the calls were more cogent but no easier to make. Finally, I let dad's online family of fellow MCC fighters know the bad news.
Nghiem played a critical role in dad's care, and while I focused strongly on family in the days and weeks following dad's death, I wrote Dr.
Nghiem Thank you so much for the support you provided my dad. He died last night. Some people would like to make donations to MCC research in his name.
Again, thank you for what you did for him. First, I promised to make sure the medical staff would honor his wishes with regard to treatment, and they did.
Second, I promised to make sure I would be there for mom, and it is a promise I carry with me, and intend to keep for the remainder of her life.
Third, I promised to document his last day for his blog. This extremely lengthy post attempts to keep that last promise. I know that dad understood the cathartic nature of posting to the blog, and at some point writing this entry, I realized I was as much keeping my promise to him as I was helping myself to understand the enormity of that day.
I suspect the promise to update his blog was intended not just to make sure the ending of his story was told, but to help his eldest son heal in the telling of it.
It was as much a gift to me as a promise to him. We spent weeks together in the hospital, and there was little left unsaid between us.
I loved him as a father. I loved him as a friend. I will miss him. I sign this post using the same Jewish nomenclature I used when I signed the memorial book at his funeral: Gary, son of David; Gershon ben David.
I wrote the following as the eulogy I intended to deliver at dad's funeral. I ended up delivering a somewhat different version the reality of speaking at a funeral is that it is a rare person who delivers written remarks without giving in to emotionally-driven spontaneous changes.
But I had the privilege of spending weeks living with him in the hospital, switching nights with my mom, and helping him as he did thing after thing for the very last time.
It was hard to watch him suffer, but I am grateful I was able to give him the gift of companionship, the gift of making sure the hospital followed his wishes, and to enjoy the gift we gave each other of leaving nothing unsaid between us.
He lived as a strong man, a man who knew what he wanted. In the morning, he told mom he was in respiratory failure, and she called for an ambulance.
As he left his home for the last time, even struggling to breathe, he was having a technical discussion with the paramedics about his condition, he liked the details of stuff and he loved medicine.
Mom and I drove to the hospital and after a long wait they let her in to see him. Mom came out and said they only would give one pass and asked if I wanted to use the pass to go in.
Mom was the love of his life and I knew he needed her by his side. I told her that and she just nodded. Of course, she knew it too.
Mom is crafty, and eventually got the doctor to give me a pass. Dad was a bit out of it, but immediately engaged.
Instead of intubating me, just shut me down with morphine. I leaned in and promised him that we would take good care of mom no matter what happened.
You could just see him relax. Dad always knew what he wanted in life, and it was no different in death. The greatest gift mom and I were able to give dad was making sure his wishes were honored.
It was also the most expensive gift I ever gave, since I loved him so much and he was asking us to let the doctors let him die. But he was a good man, a good father, and he had long ago earned the right to have me fight to make sure he would be able to exit in the way of his choice.
I gave him my word, and I made sure the doctors and nurses followed his. We waited for a chest x-ray. Dad was interactive, even smiled a bit.
Then the results, pneumonia confirmed. The doctor offered a BiPAP mask, which is a non-invasive mask that covers the mouth and nose and when you breathe, kicks up the pressure to force air in.
Dad was cogent and said he wanted it. By the time we got in, dad had asked for Dilaudid painkiller. He was still cogent, but his plan was in action.
He looked each of us in eye. He responded when we held him. His left arm was covered with IVs, tape, and other medical stuff.
My mom was standing next to his left arm, and I was holding onto his right. I want him to feel me rubbing his feet. Mom rubbed his feet, held him.
I held his arm and cried softly. He died the way he lived — with his family at his side, respecting his wishes, and on his own terms.
I looked up and saw mom sitting in a chair at the foot of the bed. Something that was simultaneously the stuff of nightmares and the stuff of the endings of the most beautiful Disney princess stories.
It will still, he was dead, but even in death it was full. I could see him going into her. She held him until I saw that migration finish, then, like she knew it was complete, she looked up, let go, and told me that that was the last time she would ever be able to hold him.
Not true, mom. I do know that nothing in the universe is ever destroyed; it can change form, but is never gone. But what I do know is that dad is with you, whatever spirit he has, however it manifests, you carry him with you for the rest of your days.
You hold in you all of the love you share. Everybody should be so lucky to draw that much love, enough love to sustain you the rest of your days. I love you dad.
The funeral was recorded on video and was uploaded in three parts. Many voices spoke about my father, and each deserves to be linked from his blog.
Parts one , two , three. I realized after writing it that my dad would have wanted me to share my thanks and thoughts for this group more broadly.
The email I sent is as follows: Thank you all for your wishes and your kind praise of dad. His memorial service is today, and while I'm not going to be distracted with technological issues, I do plan to set up a video camera to capture the event.
Some warriors are felled in battle. Some throw themselves into the path of danger to protect others as with experimental surgeries.
Some mentor other soldiers, preparing them to survive their part in the way a role my dad took on. Some get lucky and survive, and some powerful warriors are less lucky.
But in the end, spending years with a band of brothers and sisters fighting a heartless, inhuman beast turns strangers into family. And so it was for my dad.
He implicitly sought a promise that I'd care for my mother, but the only explicit promise he asked of me on his last day was that I update his blog if he didn't make it.
This family, forged in a shared, frightening common battle against a heartless beast, this family forged in common support and empathy, this family that met not in person but in heart, this family was on his mind on his last day.
As well it should have been. He died with me at his side, with his wife at his side, with his children and grandchildren in his heart, and with your thoughts and presence surrounding him.
Thank you for that. I'd like to post the memorial so you can watch it. I'm not going to be babysitting the video camera, so if there is a technical failure to record the video, so be it.
But if things go as planned, after a few days I'll be able to put up a link to the video. I bought millions of dollars in life insurance.
Twenty-five rounds of it, to be exact. Jepson went in for treatment every day for 22 business days, then had to stop for a two-week break after suffering burns on his neck.
After finishing his final three rounds of radiation, Jepson also had to have ear tubes inserted — an attempt to rectify the hearing loss he experienced as a side effect of the treatment.
I was affected at work and would just come home and sleep. Jepson would never want to repeat the experience, but his treatments eventually paid off.
A few weeks after his radiation was finished, Jepson, a Minneapolis native, traveled to Minnesota to see the Vikings play the Green Bay Packers.
Unfortunately, he had accidentally purchased phony tickets online and was denied entry to the stadium. Disappointed, he headed to the airport to fly back to Florida, when he received a call from his surgeon.
Throughout his journey with Merkel cell carcinoma, Jepson certainly experienced moments of fear and doubt. But he met people along the way that kept him going as well.
After telling one of his clients about his diagnosis, the man shared that he, too, had been diagnosed with MCC. The only other person Jepson had met who had the disease, this man was 87 years old and still alive three years after his diagnosis.
She was pregnant at the time. Oder sie hat diesen Blick der strengen Lehrerin, […]. Angela Merkel im Interview mit Anne Will. Die Tatsache, dass Schweigen eine Form der Kommunikation ist und dass man, wenn man phantasievoll mit Schweigen umgeht, viel hineininterpretieren kann.
Murke ist Kulturredakteur beim Radio, und er […]. Angela Merkel ist auch die Kanzlerin des digitalen Wandels. Angela Merkel ist jetzt auf Instagram.
Sie ist damit jetzt auf YouTube, Facebook und Instagram. Da bleibt natA? Die Ehre der Twittercommunity, die sich stets ganz schrecklich wichtig nimmt, scheint hier nicht ganz geachtet zu werden.
Vielleicht ist es auch so, wie es ein Kommentator im Blog schrieb, dass sie frA? Ohne sie mit ihrem komischen Namen zu nennen, lediglich mit dem einfachen Hinweis, dass jetzt neuerdings Montags wieder!
Mit Hass im Herzen. Klare Worte, die ein wenig verblA? Auch ist es A? Lange genug hat es gedauert, nachdem am gestrigen Sonntag erneut die Horrornachricht von im Mittelmeer gestorbenen FlA?
Und was sagt nun Merkel dazu? Aber ich muss ehrlich sagen, dass ich zwischendurch kurz gestockt habe.September Uhr Informieren Sie sich hier über die neuesten Entwicklungen. E-Mail Der Inhalt dieses Feldes wird nicht öffentlich zugänglich angezeigt. Zur Datenschutzerklärung. Anpassungen Roulette Kazanma. Die Tatsache, dass Schweigen eine Form der Kommunikation ist und dass man, wenn man phantasievoll Gratis Sim Karte Vodafone Schweigen umgeht, Blumlage Celle hineininterpretieren kann. Vielleicht ist es auch so, wie es ein Kommentator im Blog schrieb, dass sie frA? Dem stv. Im Hintergrund tuscheln die Leute, im Vordergrund auch. Die Debatte um die Nachfolge von Angela Merkel hat bisher noch nicht so richtig begonnen. Dass Guttenberg sich derart intensiv um Kontaktanbahnung bemühte, war womöglich nicht ganz uneigennützig. Sofortprogramm Saubere Luft. Keine Infos mehr Top Download Games Man verurteile gemeinsam die Gewaltanwendung in dem Land und setze sich für einen Dialog zwischen Regierung, Opposition und Www 888 ein. Was genau die beiden besprachen, ist unklar. Anpassungen übernehmen. Deutschland Geht Zugrunde Worte, die ein wenig verblA? Auf einer obskuren Seite wird A? Quasar Oj287 zu erforderlichen Cookies. Fraktionsvorsitzende der Linken, Fabio de Masi, gebührt Respekt und Anerkennung dafür, dass er sich detailliert und nachdrücklich für die Aufdeckung des Wirecard-Skandals einsetzt.
Merkel Blog VideoMerkel spürt Putins Atem im Nacken Der Minister dankte den Rettungskräften für ihren Einsatz und sicherte Unterstützung zu. Kanzlerin Merkel wies auf die "verheerenden Folgen für hunderttausende. Bundeskanzlerin Angela Merkel hat sich in der Bundespressekonferenz den Fragen von Journalistinnen und Journalisten gestellt. Es ging um die Corona-. Karl-Theodor zu Guttenberg, Angela Merkel (Foto: picture alliance / dpa | Merkels langjähriger Verteidigungsminister war eng mit Augustus. Von Alten Hasen und ersten Böcken. Autor: FX Datum: Mehr erfahren. Qualität – Stoffe und Technologien. Autor: FX Datum: Angela Merkel hat sich in ihrer Regierungszeit mit viel Energie der deutschen Gründerszene gewidmet. Kann sie als "Startup-Kanzlerin" bezeichnet werden?
Merkel Blog - SERVICES DER BUNDESREGIERUNGMan könnte also argumentieren, dass die Wirtschaft für Merkel als Parteichefin nicht an erster Stelle stand. Aktuell steigen die Coronavirus-Fallzahlen in Deutschland wieder. Nach Recherchen von abgeordnetenwatch.
He took his wife on cruise vacations as often as possible. In facing death, dad decided to truly live his life. I love how he embraced what is important, and allowed the distractions from a happy life to fall by the wayside.
None of us need to wait until we face a terminal illness to live the way dad lived his final years.
Dad left behind a great family, a family that will live a better life thanks to the legacy and lessons he leaves behind.
Grandma, Poppa, and their five grandchildren on the family cruise, December His passing allowed me to reflect on whether I was the man he was, or at least the man I wanted to be.
Dad had always loomed large -- a man whose shoes I could never hope to fill. He was a man who would hoist a canoe over beaver damns, a man who would step in to fix anything that went wrong, a man I turned to for rock solid advice.
He was in so many ways not just a father, but a father figure. He was a hero to his mother when his father was sick and later died.
He was a hero and role model for his children. Like any respected father figure, he cast quite a shadow. Even to the end dad projected strength, regardless of the cancer's weakening of his body.
A few days after he passed away, I looked in his closet and was drawn to his shoes. I had always assumed his feet were far bigger than mine, so I had trouble believing what I saw.
I stared for minutes. His shoes looked the same size as mine. And they were. I sat down, picked out a pair of shoes I had seen him wear dozens of times, and put them on.
I literally filled his shoes. I sat, reflected, and realized that dad may have passed away, but he left his children ready to take on the world.
Dad often listened to the Kingston Trio. In the days after he died, I found myself tearing up when I played their song "Reverend Mr. The sun sets during the last family vacation with dad, December I woke up on Wednesday morning and all seemed well with the world.
I had just spent the weekend in Yosemite, was loving my time with the family, and was enjoying an apparent respite in my dad's illness.
I dropped Eva off at school at a. The phone rang at a. Everybody with a sick relative knows that there are times when your heart drops when the phone rings, but this wasn't one of those times.
I figured she was calling to see if one of the kids wanted to visit after school. Not so. I have a speaker phone in the car, so I warned her that Sara and Bel were in the car and could hear.
I'm thinking about calling and getting an ambulance. At a. I called my wife and let her know the situation I'm using the phone records so these are actual times.
I called my mom back at to confirm she'd called the ambulance, which she had. I called and updated my wife at My mom called back at a.
I had outfitted his chair with a button connected to a chime that rang upstairs, but he never pressed the chime. I later confirmed the chime was working and dad was pretty cogent.
At I called one brother; at I called the other. I gave them the little information I had. I was over at the house around I'd stopped at my home, just around the corner, to get my bag and stuff I'd need assuming I'd be at the hospital for a few days.
As I pulled up, the firetruck was there already and the ambulance was parking. That will make it real in a flash. I asked if my mom could ride with my dad in the ambulance but they either refused it or discouraged it.
Either way, we drove separate cars. She wanted to pack some things she would need so I left first. I followed the ambulance, and their siren and lights weren't on.
I thought that was a positive sign. I tried to follow the ambulance through the lights, but it turns out that ambulances run an awful lot of very yellow lights, siren or no siren.
I arrived perhaps two minutes after the ambulance, but they had already taken dad into the hospital. This meant he was on the inside of the impassible doors to the inner emergency room and mom and I were on the outside.
We tried to go in through the ambulance bay doors, but that didn't work. We walked to the front desk in emergency. My mom explained that It is an event-driven discontinuity.
I was writing the post during down time before the post-death activities hit a fever pitch. So I continue this post where I left off, my memory both dulled and sharpened by the passage of time.
I wrote the earlier portion of this post well over a week ago. I sent emails to family all day with updates.
Excepting for things personal to family, I will intersperse this post with those email updates at the time when they were sent.
They are hard to read, even for me and I wrote them. But dad never pulled punches. He was brutally honest. As my dad documented his transition from vital, healthy 69 year old to an injured but spirited 71 year old with stage 4 cancer, I feel I owe it to him to document the final part of that transition, the one that ended with his release from a pained and infested body.
He asked me to post about what his last day was like, and I feel my contemporaneous emails perhaps best capture the type of chaotic uncertainty that others facing MCC and their families should prepare for.
I hope it is wasted preparation and a cure is soon found, but this is here as a resource while we await the success of the work of Dr.
Ngheim and others. Contemporaneous posts are found in courier text in a quotation box, prefaced with "Email".
The first of them is immediately below this box. Note that the subject line tried to keep format of "Update" with 24 hour time following.
I didn't keep that up the whole time. He is in the ambulance bay. We are not yet allowed to go back to see him.
We expect the go in a few minutes. Will then be more to let you know. Irregular heart rate and rhythm. Low spO2. Did [SIC, should be did not] feel he could tolerate car ride to hospital.
More if there is more. Please share with his siblings. My mom explained that her husband had been taken in by ambulance and was in self-described respiratory failure.
The man staffing the desk seemed like he wanted to be helpful but was overwhelmed with responsibilities emergency rooms, even on a weekday, are partly emergencies and partly primary care for the uninsured, so the front desk staffer is the front line recipient of a lot of angst and conflict.
When he said, more or less, that they had things well in hand back there and we'd be called in at some point later, I felt something in me that happens once every few years.
I felt myself compelled to stare, unblinking, into his eyes and say "understand that my mom has been married to him for 50 years. He worked at this hospital for decades.
He is a doctor and thinks he's in respiratory failure. I need you to go back there, tell them that, and tell them that the family refuses to let him die alone and we need to be let back there.
He said, basically, "take a seat, I'll let them know. When he returned to the desk my mom went up to follow up. I don't know what she said, but she came up to me with a badge on and said that they could only get one visitor badge.
I told her to head in. He's confirmed to be in atrial fibrillation. They hear a wheezy noise they don't like in his lungs. Mom thinks hopes?
I think it is a bad sign that I've gotten good at this. This sucks. More when there is more to share. She wanted to know if I wanted a turn in there.
I said no, you're his wife and I know he wants nobody more at his side right now. She just nodded and headed back in. In a different world, my mom would have been a lawyer, because within a few minutes she appeared in the waiting room with a second badge, saying something about how she insisted that the doctor issue one for me.
And with that, we were both able to get back to the ER back area. We had some time waiting for x-ray and dad called me over. I promised him I would keep the group updated.
Dad was, by now, switching between being very aware and closing his eyes. At moments like this, every message of support is worth ten messages of support during more stable times.
They were all read and appreciated. My mom was shaky and hungry, and was worried about taking the time to go to the cafeteria. I tracked down a nurse and my mom was spared the anxiety of being away from dad and he was spared the anxiety of being away from her.
She did need to go to the restroom, though, and I took that opportunity to tell my dad that whatever happened, he had good sons and we would make sure mom got all the support and looking after that she needed.
He visibly relaxed. He knew it, of course, but it is important to say it, particularly when somebody is experiencing poor concentration or high pain.
Another thing that happens in these situations is that you seek a tiny bit of normal in the day. Perhaps it keeps you moored. I emailed the local camera shop and asked what kind of lenses they rent.
I know, the very strangest thing you might imagine doing. But dad had his eyes closed, mom was deep in thought, and I needed to remind myself that life would go on regardless of the outcome.
I took a few such moments, and they gave me the strength to be well moored when the time came for the really hard stuff. At some point that day, the Votrient we had ordered via next day delivery was to be delivered to his home.
I have had respiratory difficulties … [and when I] attempted to go upstairs for a shower … that was a failure as I had [an] asthma-like attack.
It looks like I have a choice of waiting to die or going on Votrient … I somehow doubt my insurance will pay and I think it will cost a lot of money….
This seems to be the last arrow in my quiver. Dad was a realist, but a fighter -- he was ordering ammunition to use against the cancer the day before he succumbed to it.
We were still waiting for the x-ray at We were getting impatient, but they wanted to stabilize his heart first. First things first, I guess. I'm not a doctor, but it didn't seem to surprise my dad, who was a doctor.
I realized I hadn't been keeping my ex-wife and oldest daughter's mom up to date. Pulse He expects to be admitted overnight.
Divorces are tough on families and there is a temptation to demonize the ex. My dad never gave in to that temptation, and was probably the most even-tempered of the lot of us during that time.
Turns out I read the blood pressure wrong. I misread blood pressure. I told the nurse that we wanted dad to speak with the doctor directly about his instructions regarding "do not resuscitate" "DNR" and similar issues.
The nurse said she would get the doctor. By noon, I was starting to feel a real risk that dad wouldn't make it out of the hospital.
On the one hand, I was thinking they might send him to a regular room, but in my gut I was worried he wouldn't even make it to the ICU.
I didn't want my out of town family to be caught by surprise more than they already would be by getting "he's at the hospital" emails followed by a "he passed away" email.
Dad is kind of out of it on and off. So emails it was. We got word that the ER doctor wanted to admit him to the ICU, but they first whisked him off to x-ray.
ER doctor wants him admitted to ICU. I was aware that my mom and I knew them, but I knew they would be followed more accurately if given directly by the patient.
It also would save my mom, if it came down to it, from having to say the words that dad would have wanted her to say but that would be very hard to actually say with regard to somebody she's loved for over 50 years.
I also recognize that writing instructions in a lawyer's office, or even discussing them in the abstract even in a hospital bed, is only a simulation.
When faced with the reality that the instructions are likely to actually be followed that day, people often need to tweak their instructions.
He said he did not want to be resuscitated "ever", regardless of the event or the severity of the event. I got him to clarify whether he would want to be resuscitated even in the event of a minor event, and he said "no" with clarity and purpose.
A hope I'm wrong. Described it as bad, bilateral pneumonia. I'd be shocked if he isn't in the ICU overnight. I prompted this doctor to make sure he knew my dad's wishes, and to ask my dad directly.
Possible rapid development. He just refused intubation. I've had enough. He is peaceful, tired, kind, and entirely unemotional.
My mom was getting anxious as well, although both of us began to feel an increasing split between the reality unfolding in front of us and the reality as we wished it were.
Dad was clearly preparing to die, and that was the objective reality. The scared little boy watching his daddy suffer, watching his hero lose his last battle, watching his role model pass in and out of consciousness, that scared little boy believed that his daddy would make it.
That scared little boy knew nothing could beat his daddy, his protector. Ultimately, both the lawyer and the scared little boy in me were right.
Dad was dying, but he was dying on his terms. Merkel Cell Carcinoma wanted to torture him into the darkness, to chase him scared into the wildness of death.
He stood his ground as long as he could, then metaphorically said "fuck you, cancer, I may not be able to stop you from hastening my death, but I'll be damned if I let you dictate how, when, and with what degree of pain.
He knew he had pneumonia, and he was bringing up morphine, a respiratory depressant like hydromorphone, trade name Dilaudid. He was unable to dictate the terms of his entry to the world of cancer, but he had just laid out the path for his exit.
There would be no horrific final days of pain and suffering. Who cares — that is why I run a year model — to take the emotion out of this.
If you are afraid of the market now, you should do one of three things:. The dollar may be worth less when it is done, but I think it is likely that you will have more ten years from now by investing in stocks and risky assets like stocks, than to invest in safe assets.
When the Fed shifts, things will be different. They tried and the market slapped them. They try to not let it leak into the real economy, so there is little inflation for now.
But there is no free lunch. Something will come to discipline the Fed, whether it is inflation, a currency crisis — who knows?
So what do I do? I own assets that will survive bad scenarios, I raise a little cash, but I am largely invested in stocks.
Photo Credit: frankieleon Even with low inflation, money shrinks. Wages move with inflation, few assets do.
The ideal of an inflation-protected defined benefit plan was indeed wonderful, but the costs were prohibitive. Few companies were willing to shoulder the costs of them, and what few were willing ran into the roadblock of the IRS telling them they could not put too much into their defined benefit plans — for the IRS feared it was a tax dodge.
The IRS wants taxes now. As it is today, most of us including me , are stuck in the box where we have to make our assets last over our retirements.
There are no guarantees. How do we make the assets stretch? Most people assume the government will inflate, and that seems to be an easy solution.
As such, they tend not to inflate aggressively. But as with most matters in economics, past is not prologue. Who can tell what the government might do in an entitlements crisis mixed with a weak dollar?
What happens when so much credit is extended that foreign creditors distrust the value of the dollar or euro?
First there is storage: t-bills and gold. Wait, why not buy gold miners? The problem with gold miners is depletion. Has the price of gold risen?
Yes, but so has the cost of mining gold. There are many people who have bitten the romantic lure to mine gold, and as such, typically gross margins are poor.
Buying gold miners has been a bad bet for a long time. So just buy a little gold instead, and not the miners. Short duration bonds can be useful if their yields are higher than expected inflation plus default losses.
Otherwise, bonds are usually not a good hedge for inflation. With stocks, for the market as a whole, rising inflation is a small net negative.
Businesses will raise their prices, but a higher cost of capital overall will make stocks lose ground to inflation in real terms.
Just be aware that when the cycle shifts to deflation, those stocks will underperform. Before I close, I have a few words regarding the unique ways that inflation affects seniors:.
Wages mostly adjust to inflation — if you have work, that is a source of support. Second, things that are necessary — food, energy and healthcare, have tended to inflate at a rate faster than other goods and services.
That might not be true of energy now, but it was true for a long time. My main bit of advice is to be conservative in your spending.
Making assets last for a long time, is difficult, but it becomes impossible when your asset levels get too low. With that, invest wisely. Personally, I would pursue a middle course that partially hedges inflation risk, because the cost of being wrong on either side is significant.
Photo credit: David Seibolid Oh dear, you lost your head! So we had a hard market day yesterday. The great thing about the USA is that no one is ever truly in charge.
Power is shared. I am not saying that it is time to buy, unless it is small trades. I bought 0. After buying as the market fell in March, I was selling off stocks in May.
Did I not believe the rally? Sure I did, but there are degrees of belief, and I kept selling bits as the market rose. Now let me tell you about two former clients.
One was retiring, and wanted to move his assets to a firm I had never heard of. He notified me the second day after the bull market peak in February.
I did not argue; I just liquidated the account for him. As the market fell after that, he told me to delay selling — the market would come back.
I told him he had already sold. Now, the new manager was incompetent in rolling over the assets. I was astounded how long it took, even with me helping them.
The insurance company knew how to roll assets. Your money dies there. My former client is ill-served both ways.
Then there was the second client. He seemed to be happy and was interested in good long-run returns.
In my risk survey, he scored normally. But when the market fell hard in March, he panicked and wanted to liquidate.
But he asked my opinion on the matter. I told him that quick moves of the market tend to reverse, and that the securities that he held were well-capitalized, and even if the market fell further, they would not fall as much.
Then he told me that he never wanted the portfolio to fall below a certain level which we were at that point close to breaching.
Either change your goal, or change your asset allocation. For a day, he realized he should be willing to take more risk. Than the market fell hard again, and he told me to liquidate.
Choose an asset allocation that you can live with under all conditions, and stick with it. This is the same thing that I tell the risk-averse pastors that I serve on the denominational pension board.
And if you are not sure that you can live with it, move the risk level down another notch. A second lesson is be honest with yourself, and also with your advisor, about your risk preferences.
Most advisors that I know are happy to adjust the riskiness of client portfolios. There is no heroism in taking too much risk. I personally could run at a higher level of risk, but I would rather not take the mental toll of doing so.
And when the market moves, I trade against it — but not aggressively. Yesterday was tough. Big deal. Days like that will happen.
As for my second client, he took more risk than he was comfortable with, and ended up leaving the game, which is the worst outcome under normal conditions.
Sun Tzu said the most important task of a general was to understand himself and his enemy. My second client did not understand his own desires, and he did not understand how volatile the market can be.
As such he lost out — as did the first client in other ways. The same afternoon, the American president made a bizarre joke about the NSA having monitored Merkel's communications, needlessly raising a point of contention between the two countries in order for Trump to further an anti-Obama conspiracy theory.
As we discussed at the time, Trump also repeatedly complained about Merkel during his campaign, accusing her of " ruining Germany " and being a " catastrophic leader.
Sure, Merkel's press-conference reaction was funny today, but we didn't need to see her facial expression to know Ric Grenell's "charm" assertion was literally unbelievable.
Postscript : For the record, the European edition of Politico had a report in June that said, "It's difficult to overstate just how enraged Germany is about Trump.
Around the same time, a senior German official told the New Yorker's Susan Glasser, "It took Germany the longest of all partners to come to terms with someone like Trump becoming president.
We were very emotional, because our relationship with America is so emotional -- it's more of a son-father relationship -- and we didn't recognize our father anymore and realized he might beat us.
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